conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
