I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
