If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
