ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
