her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
