Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
