How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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