I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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