sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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