he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
