Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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