Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
