i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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