You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
