Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
