Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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