All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
