some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
