But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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