"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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