Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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