All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you would pick up someone in the library
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
