In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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