Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think your dad took our porno
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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