wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They have beer where we have blood.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
