The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's just so happy...and so naked.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
