My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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