That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
