Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
