Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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