Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
