My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
