my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
