I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
