I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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