I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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