Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
