you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
