the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
