Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
