woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
