nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
