yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
