My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
