sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
