mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
