Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
