i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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