I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
