benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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