the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
two words: eviction party
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
