somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
