ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
