chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
