Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
