Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
